Ok guys here’s some real talk: if you’re already married, or getting, married, or in a relationship, or dating, or single I’m sure you’ve got an idea of marriage is like right? We all do. Thanks to rom-coms, Cosmo magazine, and shows like Sex in the City we think that once we get married it’s going to be smooth sailing right? I’m not dissing any of these sources but the fact is, they set us up for a facade of what marriage is “supposed” to look like. What people don’t tell you is that marriage is yes amazing but sometimes hard and challenging and frustrating. It take intentionality and equal effort from both sides to not only have a great marriage but an incredible marriage. I choose to love Michael every day just like he chooses to love me.
There are so many columns to holding up and maintaining a healthy thriving marriage but I’m going to dive into the importance of dating your spouse. You might be thinking to yourself, “Um Jill hello? I thought once you got married you don’t have to date anymore because that is the point of marriage?” Wrong! I can tell you first hand from my perspective, just because we are married does not mean I do not want to be pursued by husband. If anything I want him to pursue me more. And he wants me to pursue him. Dating my husband is exciting and allows us to create a level of intimacy not just physical but on an emotional level as well. And we go on all kinds of dates! We’ll go to dinner or we’ll make a nice dinner at home or go to a movie or whatever we’re in the mood for. And we’ll plan it! We’ll add it in our shared calendar so we can both look forward to it. It’s fun and exciting and keeps things fresh!
One of the books we read that was so helpful in our understanding of each other was The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. This book is incredible and you’d bet right that I’m giving this as a gift at every wedding we attend. The great thing about this book is you get the chance to learn how you like to be loved and how your partner likes to be loved. Once you learn those key factors, you can best serve and love each other that makes the other feel the most fulfilled. I am a Quality Time love language and we realized quickly that dates are my jam. I love going out to dinner with my hubby just engaging in conversation over some great food. If you’re love language is not quality time, I still believe in dating your spouse and the important level of intimacy it can create.
This week or this weekend, set up a date night with your partner. If you’re not sure what to do, write a bunch of ideas down on piece of paper, throw them in a hat, and one of you draw! Make this a weekly thing to, if you have children try to budget for a babysitter, or ask your parents, or see if another mom will trade you a night. Don’t be afraid to problem solve and put your marriage first. That will be what is left when the kids leave the nest and the last thing you want is to not know the person you’re loving with.
If you want to find out about your love language, pick up the book here and read it with your partner! It’s once of the best marriage and relationship books I’ve ever read and will help you in your pursuit of a great marriage!